Friday, June 30:

Great news everybody! The Angelina pepper made it into The Museum Of Food Anomolies! (MOFA) Go see for yourself!

Thursday, June 29:

I finally got the Lost School flag printed up on refrigerator magnets! I hate to see such a great design confined to such a puny area but what can you do? It was either make magnets or sit on the design indefinately. Quite frankly I've been sitting on this one so long it was beginning to make my ass hurt. The first batch of these is gone already but I ordered more today and will have them available for sale on the website by next week. They will be $3.95 each with free shipping. Special thanks to Lost School member Sean for designing our grand old flag.

Saturday, June 24:

Well wouldn't you know the city poured our sidewalk yesterday foiling our plans for a time capsule. The ONE TIME they've done anything in a timely fashion. I thought I'd at least get to write something in the cement but I couldn't because the workers hung around all morning. Oh well. There will be plenty of other possibilities for time capsule burial as much of the city has not been dug up and redone yet. East Johnson St. is scheuduled to be removed and replaced all during '08. That will give us plenty of time to get our act together.

In other city beautification related news--I got a letter fom the city saying that I have to make an appointment to have the exterior of my building inspected. AHAHAHAHAHA!!!! This should be good. I'm pretty sure this place was built before "codes" existed. I have a feeling my reality is about to be drastically altered by something completely unexpected. Time to clean things up.

So next Tuesday is my 39th birthday. That's very, very old in Madison years. The presents are rolling in already. My pal Bob Foster got me one of those Phrenology busts. Back in the day people thought you could tell a lot about a person by feeling the bumps on thier head. The bumps allegedly corresponded to areas of the brain concerned with various things such as "patriotism", "aggressiveness" and "enjoyment of solids". Some of the areas are labled with words that are in some weird Victorian moon language. It's a pretty neat gift. I'd like to study up on Phrenology and do readings during down times at bead shows. Gotta have something to fall back on.

Thursday, June 22:

Here's that mirror frame I've been working on for the last two days. It's been a long time since I worked on anything for two days. I assembled the piece in one day utilizing 12 broken mask beads that I had laying around. The second day was spent cleaning off grout, paint and glue. Tedious! It's all done except for the wire detailing. Hopefully I'll be able to get back to beads now.

In other news: Madison is in the throes of a ten year beautification project that involves making things much worse and then gradually fixing them. Over by where Cindy lives they are "fixing" the road by digging it up and putting a new one in. That's going to take nine months. Over by where I live they are working on the sidewalks. A team actually walked through the entire isthmus and marked every square of broken or displaced sidewalk. Another team jackhammers up the offending squares a few blocks at a time and finally a third team will come through and pour new sidewalk. They're doing this everywhere!

Since homeowners are footing half the bill for this project we wanted to do something with the square that, though hardly on our property, we had to pay for. On Tuesday night Lost School decided that they wanted to create and bury a Lost School time capsule and bury it under the new sidewalk. I guess we're putting various forms of art work and a "Keep On Colonizin" t-shirt into either a stainless steel or PVC container. Of course if the city pours the cement before the weekend our scheme will be foiled...but I don't think that will happen. The city is way slow. I love time capsules.

Tuesday, June 20:

It's "Music Night" at the house tonight so I'm working late at the studio. When it's in full swing "Music Night can consist of four guitar players, a keyboard/harmonica/accordian player, a violin player, a congo drum player, a miracca/tamborine player and on rare occasions a five-gallon bucket player. (The five gallon bucket player is a hilarious person who I love talking to because he has a East coast accent and sounds just like Bobby Kennedy. He's kind of a mixed blessing in that way.)

So anyway,I'm still at the store because I'm the only non-musical person in the universe. I keep time to music like a republican at a convention trying to clap along to "Sweet Home Alabama" and I have an aversion to loud noises. It's ironic that I would end up owning the only house in the area that's thick walled enough to have band practice there. Yep. Well, the boys like it anyway.

Monday, June 19:

We made it back from Bead and Button.(By we I mean myself, JC Herrell, Jude Rose, Cindy, Jules and my old pal Jenny). Actually we got back on Saturday. I've spent most of the time between then and now sleeping. I don't know if I picked up a bug or if being around all those people at the bead show made me tired. In any event, I'm still out of it but I'm going to blog anyway.

Here's what I remember most from the trip:

Wayne Robbins is my new hero. He makes the most outstanding angler fishes with the most outstanding rows of tiny, perfect teeth that I've ever seen.

Andrea Guarino's work is really cool and not like anyone else's. If you're ever in the same room with her work you should go see it even if it's really far away.

Mike Frantz of Frantz Art Glass is a wacky for the beads and for chocolate. He might be kind of wacky generally. Listening to him talk is fun. He had his picture taken with Triangle Man. I like Mike Frantz.

Kate Mc Kinnon and Michelle Goldstein are alive and well, which is good because they were the main reason I wanted to go to the show. I think the only way to ever spend any time with Kate and Michelle is to do Bead and Button with them. I'm looking into doing that even though I think a four day show like B&B might kill me. That is how much I like Kate and Michelle.

Our room at the Ambassador was great as was the service. I highly reccommend them to any large party of drunken, noisy women that might be travelling in the Milwaukee area. I was especially taken with the fact that the cable for internet service plugged into the base of a lamp rather than the wall. I'm still surprised that we were able to figure that one out.

Wednesday, June 14:

Holy crap, everybody! My tomato plants have tomatoes on them! Followers of my ebay auctions will know that I recently named my four tomato plants Harold, Lew, Don and Phil after the members of the Statler Brothers (country/ barbershop quartet style music). I don't particularly admire that group or thier music--their names just popped into my head. (As a child of the '70's I watched a lot of television and a commercial for the Statler Brother's record album appeared in high rotation.) Anyway, Lew and Don are the two plants bearing fruit already. Harold and Phil can't be far behind.

Saturday, June 10:

Since my hand healed up I've been able to interact with my hedgehogs once more. After several weeks of work I've gotten Deet to the point where she won't immediately run away from me when I take her out of her cage and put her on the futon. Yesterday she spent several minutes with me sniffing my face and chewing on my hair before darting back through the exit tube. Though satisfying, the pleasant experience was marred by the fact that Deet emitted an odor so foul it nearly made my eyes water. How could so an animal so tiny and so outwardly clean in appearance smell like that? It's a mystery...sort of. I mean I think I know why she smells like she does but I don't really want to admit it because if I did she would be decidedly less fun to play with. So, it's a mystery.

Today I cleaned and disinfected Deet's and her sister hedgehog, Cracker's (who looks dirty but is odor-free) cages. Thus began the two-pronged approach to remedying the stinky situation. Don has volunteered to administer Deet's bath so that my budding hedgehog/human relations with Deet will remain intact. We'll see how all that goes. It's nice not being the asshole for once.

In other news, we appear to have not won the Ugly Yard Contest. FIX! FIX!! FIX!!! Oh well we weren't all THAT keen on having the yard done anyway. We were actually planning on selling as many of the prizes as we could in order to finance the printing of a incredibly clever flag designed by Lost School member Sean. The project requires two to three thousand dollars and there's no way we can spend that kind of cash unless we find it on the ground somewhere, as it were. Thought the Ugly Yard contest was just the ticket, but no. We are not discouraged. We have to get at least one flag printed because Lost School member James (he's a bead namer) has promised in the event of us doing so that he would streak down State Street wearing nothing but the new flag. That's how great this flag is. I'll show it to you some day after we get one made.

6/6/6:

Lucy the iguana consumed at least one packing peanut today. She's in "bulk up for eggs" mode (even though she has no eggs). That means that she is requesting to be let out of her cage more frequently and she's eating everything in sight once she's out. Normally when she gets a tootsie roll wrapper in her mouth she chews the unfamaliar object slowly and pensively enough that I have time to swoop down and wrest it away from her before she swallows it. Now when I hear a tell tale "crunch, crunch" and begin to run toward her Lucy immediately speeds up her chewing and swallows it before I can get to her. She is such a little shit! Now I'm going to have to be on "bowel watch" for the next week or so.

In other news: Happy 6/6/6 everybody! Does it feel like the world is going to end to you? Seems pretty regular where I am. I've noticed an increase of flies around here lately. I know from the movie "The Amityville Horror" that flies can mean that evil is afoot but I think in my case they mean summer is afoot and I have to take my garbage out more often. Pretty sure that's what it is.

Wednesday, May 31:

My pal Jean Yates sent me the picture of Hugh Jackman/Wolverine as a stunning example of pronounced muttonchops. I immediately searched among the early United States presidents to find the person with mutton chops that were most similar to Mr. Jackman's. I found this early photo of a painting of Martin Van Buren to be the closest. The 1800's were the heyday for beards generally and mutton chops in particular.

As he aged Martin Van Buren's facial hair grew much longer and more unruly. I think that at this time he resembled the Creature From the Black Lagoon enough that he could have gotten a part playing him in a movie had movies or creatures from the black lagoons been invented when he was alive. So you see Martin Van Buren, eighth President of the United States and Hugh Jackman, actor that I had not heard of until Jean sent me his picture, have more in common than just facial hair. The end.

Speaking of beards...here's that SKITTLES COMMERCIAL again.

I was going to tell you about a can of fruit cocktail that spontaneously ruptured on a shelf in the office cave but I think I'll save that story for another day. This blog is weird enough as it is.

Monday, May 29:

Man, what a lost weekend this was. So many social engagements, so much sleeping in the next day. Fortunately I went to a party at Don's welding shop on Saturday an met someone who had mutton chops. At least I've got something to write about now. Mutton chops are pretty rare around here. I haven't seen many of them outside of NASCAR and movies about the Civil War. I think mutton chops are cool. They seem to require a significant amount of maintainence (what Don refers to as the slippery slope of grooming) so I'm not too worried about Don ever having them. And that's ok by me. I just think they're fun to look at.

Thursday, May 25:

When it rains really hard on East Johnson St. we get these mini-floods that last about a half hour. We had one of those yesterday.I've always enjoyed the mini-floods--probably because my store does not have a basement that fills with water. Since it was Garbage Day Eve I had already put my bags on the curb. They didn't stay there long. I snapped a picture as the bag containing the carcass of Baby Bird Doe floated away. During his brief stay at Aardvark Baby Bird Doe never expressed a preference for a burial at sea. I hope he doesn't mind.

Tuesday, May 23:

I was having a great production day yesterday until Don brought me a baby bird he found on the ground by his truck. Baby birds are the enemies of production. Once you have one all you can think about is looking at it and trying to feed it and is it too warm or is it too cold. As far as bird-fixing goes I have a pretty high success rate but this little guy did not make it. I think he whacked his head pretty hard on something. Sometimes they snap out of that kind of thing and sometimes they don't.

Meanwhile, back at the ranch...I bet you're wondering when the fortune machine is going to get here. Problem is that James (the computer guy) works for the man and can't just drop everything and run over here every time I want a fortune machine or something. We're just going to have to be patient until James gets some time off of work. Sorry about that. In the meantime, please enjoy this very strange commercial.

Wednesday, May 17:

The rules about not drawing on the furniture have relaxed even further at Lost School. The above picture is a detail from the side of a cabinet that sits in our living room. I bring it up only because I like that drawing so much I want to have it tattooed on my shoulder. Just the black lines mind you--not the explosions or whatever that is going on in the background. I've thought about this for a while and it still seems like a smart idea to me. Not that I'll ever get around to doing it or anything. It's just fun to think about.

Tuesday, May 16:

I opened up something I shouldn't have yesterday and all of my email disappeared. So if you're wondering why I haven't written back that's why. Please re send.

In other news...you know how I was hankering for a duck to nest in our yard a few weeks ago? Well, that still hasn't happened but one did nest kind of near Don's office area at his place of employment, The Great Dane Pub and Brewing Co.The duck nested on a roof right beneath a leaky gutter. Since it's been raining for seven days now and it's been really cold too Don built a little house for the duck and put it over the duck's nest. Unlike most times when we try to help nature the duck is still alive and has accepted the house. The next problem will be when the ducklings hatch and walk straight off the roof and land on people eating dinner in the garden.

The duck has been sitting on the eggs for over 28 days now so we think they may not hatch but if they do you can bet there's going to be some kind of crazy rescue operation to get the duck and the babies back to the lake (and not have anyone fall off the roof.) There is of course the question of whether or not the genes of a duck that builds it's nest at the edge of a rooftop should be allowed to perpetuate. I say, ducks are cute and this is giving me something to do and think about. To hell with their gene pool.

Friday, May 12:

Right now I'm working on pictures for the "Ugly Backyard" contest. Isn't our yard awesome? I think we could win this thing. Don was worried about his planter by the stairs prettying things up too much but I think it doesn't look like we've done any work at all back here.

Inside that boxed in planter are my little tomato plant friends. As of this morning they were surviving this bout of really shitty weather we've been having. May is just to early to plant stuff around here.

Tuesday, May 9:

I found my flyswatter behind the toilet today and now...I can't find my toilet brush. I can't win.

Now I'm trying to make up for the last three weeks but not much luck. In order to complicate my life further I bought a whole bunch of cute little plants at the farmer's market. There were four tomato plants, some marigolds and some other flowers that are purple. I planted them on Saturday and they're still alive! I worry about them all the time--like today, it's raining so I hope they don't get over-watered. Yesterday I worried about them being thirsty because it didn't rain. I've also spent time worrying about them being eaten by squirrels and being uprooted by neer-do-wells. Plants really tie you down. I better go check on them and make sure they're ok.

Friday, May 5:

I made beads today! Hooray for me! Everything is back to normal. As for that 2 1/2 week break--I don't think any good came of it at all. I haven't been that non productive for that length of time EVER. I expected I'd go on some kind of odyssey of self-discovery but nothing like that happened. The only thing I learned is that I can get really pissy when I'm unable to make beads. Big surprise there! What a waste of time.

My pal and former student Ann brought the Museum of Food Anomalies to my attention today. I submitted a photo of the late Angelina Pepper without hesitation. I hope she gets in! Let's root for Angelina together, shall we?

Monday, May 1:

Last weekend Lost School had a tangy idea for a new reality show. Called "Messiah Complex", the show would document the daily lives of twelve people living in the same house all of whom believe that they are Jesus Christ.What do you suppose would happen on such a show? Would the contestants eventually realize that they all can't be Jesus? Would they end up beating the crap out of eachother? Sure is a rich premise for a show.

Meanwhile, speaking of television, I've been watching a lot of that lately. Mostly DVD's my Uncle burned for me of a show called "Rare Visions and Roadside Attractions". In a van fueled by some Public Television grant, three guys drive around the country looking for folk art and things that claim to be"World's Largest" or "World's Smallest" etc. It's a pretty fun show. Much of the art was made just for the hell of it by people with no formal art training. Sometimes that's the best kind.

Back to work this week! I think my flipper has healed enough for me to torch while wearing a glove. For my first trick I plan to create a subjunctive rendering of my fungal infection. It will probably look a lot like that ugly little critter on the "Lamisil" commericial since that is in fact what a fungus infection looks like.

Saturday, April 29:

On Thursday night I had an allergic reaction to my beloved antibiotics. I felt that was completely uncalled for. Even though I'm still itching up a storm I'm in a pretty good mood because my hand is nearly fungus free and healing nicely.

In other news...Today is the 23rd birthday of the youngest lost school member, Sara Jane. Like everyone else Sara Jane has choosen to hold her party at our house (We're sort of like a Chuck-E-Cheese in that respect). In return for hosting the party Sara Jane has agreed to chew my and Don's food for us when we get old. That's one less thing for us to worry about.

Thursday, April 27:

Well, my hand is looking a lot better and the glow from being the person with the really freaky skin disorder is slowly wearing off. The culture came back negative so the antibiotics must be doing thier job. I love being on antibiotics--they make me feel invincible! I would take them all the time if I could.

Sure is weird not making beads all the time...

Want to see some more gross pictures of my hand? Here's one and another.

I'm bored.

Wednesday, April 26:

Now we got problems. There's an enormous fly lumbering around the store and I have to kill it with my left hand before it reaches the "buffet" in the animal cages. This is what happens when my doctor writes me an excuse to NOT clean things lest I exacerbate the infection in my hand. (I actually have been cleaning up after the animals to a certain extent--while wearing elbow length rubber gloves, Mom. I just haven't been doing a real thourough job.)

Lately I've noticed that my conversations with Don revolve around things that I've seen on TV that day. Often times, since we don't have cable, the things I talk about are very stupid. Yesterday I brought up what I thought was an interesting point about how the actors on "The Young and The Restless" have this extreme job security because the characters who are on now are the same characters who were on the show the last time I watched it (which was about twenty years ago). Don said if I ever talked about soap operas again he was going to drop me off at a library outside of town and not pick me up until he was done working for the day. Spending the day at the library would not be so bad but I much prefer the surroundings in my office-cave so no more daytime TV for me.

Off to the doctor again tommorrow to find out if I'm resistant to the penicillin I'm taking. The infection seems to be getting better in some parts and creeping along in others. Stay tuned!

Monday, April 24:

Hey everybody! We're having a crappy week here at Aardvark Art Glass. I've got a mean staph/fungal infection (previously misdiagnosed as "eczema") in my hand and I can't make beads. JUdging by the glacial pace at which my hand is healing I suspect I'll be out another week at least. Want to see a picture of my hand? Are you sure? It's pretty gross...click here. That's after 5 days of anti-biotics, too.

I came into the store to ship some things and blog but then I've got to go back home and try to get back into the doctor today 'cause the swelling is so bad. Anyhoo-while on vacation this week I'll be moving stuff from the site to ebay this week so keep watching all that. We'll be in touch!

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